Image via iStock

Image via iStock

It’s dawn. As the sun spreads its warm glow across our garden a family of sparrows in a tree ruffle and stretch their feathers. Mother sparrow lifts her head to check on her chicks, rolls to one side and farts.

And so it begins.

Two pairs of small feet thump to the ground and gallop into our bedroom like Wildebeest.

MUM! Can I play your iPad?

I’m hungry MUM


I’m so hungry I could be sick mum.


Seriously mum, if I don’t eat now I may never walk again.

I give Busy-And-Important-Husband a shove and reach over to switch off the alarm that I have set for the past seven years, but have never heard. Just in case is wishful thinking. I stand up. Take a deep breath, walk out of the bedroom and commence barking orders:

Breakfast is ready.

Sit down and eat your breakfast.

No, I don’t know who invented Minecraft, but can you start eating your breakfast?

No, I didn’t know there were zombies in Minecraft, but can you please just eat your breakfast?

No, I don’t want to see how Minecraft works. Maybe later, because now you must your breakfast.

Eat your breakfast.

Eat your breakfast.

Eat your breakfast.


Now go upstairs, get dressed and clean your teeth.

Please go upstairs.


No, the stairs are not that way, the stairs are that way.

Go upstairs, get dressed and clean your teeth.

I’ll be up in a few minutes to check on you…
And you better be dressed and cleaning your teeth!

Why aren’t you dressed?

Put that sword down, get your undies off your head and get dressed.

No, you can’t wear the crown to school sweetheart.

No, I don’t want you to do a nudie run son.

Oh, for goodness sake, will you both just get dressed.

Your shirt is on inside out.

Your undies are on back to front.

How did you get that weetbix on your back?

Now, go to the bathroom and clean your teeth please.

No, we don’t have time for a quick game of Uno.

It’s time to go and clean your teeth.

Stop talking and clean your teeth.

No you won’t die if you swallow toothpaste.

Just clean your teeth.

I don’t know why the tube says you shouldn’t swallow the toothpaste.

Please just clean your teeth.

Clean your teeth.

Clean your teeth.

Can anyone hear me?

I’m going to shout soon.

Mummy’s getting angry.


With our teeth finally cleaned, we tumble downstairs. Then the kids suddenly stop in their tracks.

“MUM! We’re in the wrong uniform! It’s sports day!”

And we haven’t even got to the part where we put our shoes on.


  1. says

    Are you certain you haven’t spent some time in our house lately – its exactly the same in the mornings. We try to stick to a routine….but somehow we still manage to be flying out the door at the last minute, am thinking of making a voice recording (breakfast/shower/get dressed /hair/shoes etc ) and just play on repeat……and don’t even get me started about minecraft….its the first thing Miss B says to me every morning…..not ‘good morning mum’ but….’did you download that minecraft mod last night mum’……

  2. says

    Too funny Lisa. What I find fascinating is that when I was a kid (and even now as an adult visiting her) I never ran into mum’s room to wake her up. Breakfast was always on the table when I stumbled out of my room regardless as to what time I would get up, Dinner was always ready on time. She always looked neat (dressed, brushed teeth and hair done at 7 am). How?

  3. says

    I try to be organised for the morning. If I could pack my kids lunch without the sandwich going soggy, feed them breakfast and dress them for school the night before, that would be GREAT! I cant though sadly, so my mornings are the same as yours, including the ipad being flat. Seriously though, I have considered dressing them the night before.. xx

  4. says

    Every time I read your blog, there’s more of my life in there. It seems we’re running parallel lives, except that you have one more child and it’s Skylanders rather than Minecraft. :0) This is too funny especially when I read it coming from someone else’s life..

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *