It’s dawn. As the sun spreads its warm glow across our garden a family of sparrows in a tree ruffle and stretch their feathers. Mother sparrow lifts her head to check on her chicks, rolls to one side and farts. And so it begins. Two pairs of small feet thump to the ground and gallop into our bedroom like Wildebeest. MUM! Can I play your iPad? I’m hungry MUM MUM! WHERE’S THE IPAD? I’m so … [Read more...]
When neighbours collide
Recently a friend on Facebook posted an update about her neighbour. The grumpy bloke next door swore loudly at her kids (who are only two and seven) as they played in their back garden at 10.15am on a Sunday morning. Hearing him from inside, my friend came out and they exchanged a few choice words, which ended in him screaming at her to “f*ck off and move!” There is nothing worse than neighbour … [Read more...]
Imperfect conditions
(Source: guvendemir via iStockphoto) I've been writing for a while now. I started out completing a degree in journalism and since then I’ve written for magazines, for corporations and for myself. And I have loved bashing out every single word.However, in the earlier days those words didn’t always come easily. When I sat down to write, be it for work or personal reasons, I needed the perfect … [Read more...]
The woman in the iron apron
There is a pile of aprons steadily growing in my kitchen cupboard. Freshly folded, brightly coloured, some with cutesy slogans or the odd pink frill. ‘Subtle’ gifts from various members of my family – my mother, my sister, Busy-And-Important-Husband – in hope they will one day be put to good use. But no matter how funny the slogan or how cute the frill, it ‘aint ever going to happen people. I … [Read more...]
To chop or not to chop…
There is a debate currently taking place in my household: whether or not we should stop my husband’s sperm from entering his seminal stream*.Is it time for my Busy-And-Important-Husband to finally get the snip? Or the chop, as I like to lovingly call it.Now, Busy-And-Important-Husband wouldn’t have the greatest pain threshold I’ve ever seen. A bump or scrape usually results in howls worthy of an … [Read more...]
My crafty genius – exposed
A reminder of my 'genius'.You might remember a few months back my smug ‘I’m a crafty genius’ post. You know, the post about the time I made all of those Angry Birds masks for my son’s birthday party? Well, a friend who knows me well has badgered me to find out the real story behind those masks. So here it is…the truth exposed. The Angry Birds masks and some scratchy stupid staples.“What will they … [Read more...]
Incompatible lovers: big business and parenting
Something I wrote a while back, but feel compelled to share today… “What can we do to encourage more mothers back into the workforce?” was the question posted on the company’s employee online chat forum, in reaction to our nation’s looming skills shortage.The usual well-meaning responses followed: flexible hours; adjustable pay depending on hours worked; fostering a supportive internal perception … [Read more...]
I am a crafty genius…kind of
Boy-Who-Asks-Questions' birthday party next weekend is the first of the year for his new school. The stakes are high. Not only will a cracking good party help him cement new friendships, it's also my chance to fool show the parents that I am the perfect mother.When it comes to birthday parties, if I can outsource it, I will. The cake, the food, the entertainment...outsource, outsource, outsource. … [Read more...]
I’m dreaming of a clutter-free Christmas
"BWOK!"Many things in my life have coincided with *ahem* ‘the start of my cycle’.New jobs. Long haul flights. Heck, even my wedding day. I’ve coped quite well on most occasions. Well, apart from a ‘little’ crankiness (choosing to ignore any scoffs and guffaws from Busy-And-Important-Husband at this point).A few days ago I realised I was heading for yet another ‘clash of dates’: Christmas Day. And … [Read more...]
Gastro hell: day five
When four-year-old Boy-Who-Asks-Questions told me his tummy felt sick I thought he was trying to get out of Humpty Squads. The tiger mum in me told him to get out on that field and show those kids how to whack that tee-ball.Three hours later he was puking up his proverbial.God bless him. He’s a great shot. He’s reached the toilet bowl every time. I guess three days of puking makes you a good … [Read more...]