I have a confession to make (apart from just scoffing an entire block of Green and Black’s chocolate).
I can’t fly away from my children.
My babieeeeeeeeeees!
Until now, I’ve kept this as my own dark and guilty secret. Guilty because I think it makes me look lame, weak even. As an ambitious working mother, with lofty professional aspirations on a global scale, I’m supposed to be fearless, gutsy and gung-ho. Right?
Wrong.
I just can’t do it. I can’t leave them.
Why? Well, there is my fear of flying. My aeronautical neurosis (from doors ripping opening at 30,000 feet to sitting next to a scary man with explosives packed in his undies) is well documented on this blog.
But I don’t think it’s my fear of flying that prevents me jetting off.
When I returned to working life after having my kids, it took me a while to come to terms just with the idea of leaving my children in day care to travel to the other side of the harbour and meet clients in the city – literally only 15 minutes away.
“But what would happen if the bridge fell down? How would I get back to the kids? I guess I could swim. But hang on. The sharks. What about the sharks?”
Kid you not people. These are the kind of crazy thoughts that run rampant in my mind.
I think I have ‘separation anxiety’ – the adult variety. I can’t bare the thought of being away from my kids*.
So, how does someone as driven and focused as me (modest aren’t I?) manage to work with national and global companies without travelling?
I always make it clear at the start of a contract that I can’t travel, citing Busy-And-Important-Husband hectic work and travel schedule, which is actually the truth. My children are still young, and we don’t live near family – so, even if I was happy to travel, it would be a massive challenge.
Thankfully my refusal to travel is yet to hold me back. I’ve always delivered the goods (there’s that modesty again) thanks to technology.
But the day will surely come: if not for work reasons, definitely for pleasure. I’ve enviously soaked up stories from friends with children about childfree holidays. For the health of my marriage (not to mention my sanity), something I must pursue.
So now my dark secret is out, what about you? Do you find it easy to fly away from your kids? Or are you as neurotic as me? Surely there has to be somebody…anybody, like me?
*Except at 5.30am in the morning when my son walks into my room and pries my eyes open with his fingers.
Maria Tedeschi says
September 1, 2011 at 11:49 amI’m actually the opposite. I almost feel guilty that i don’t feel guilty. I work from home so I see my kids ALL THE TIME.
But my husband for example, went OS this year without us for about a week and he was so upset that we were here and he was on a gorgeous island, without us.
I thought he was nuts. But then again, he works out of home so maybe there’s something in that. He doesn’t do the school runs and all that tedious side of things whereas i do.
Love your Sydney picture. Made me laugh.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Ms Styling You says
September 1, 2011 at 2:31 pmI love it! Youngest is 6 now though. I only wish there were more opportunity for tme away with just the husband but alas no willing family to help out there.
Kelly Exeter says
September 2, 2011 at 2:53 amMy 2 year old is in daycare 5 days a week so I experience the same separation anxiety at the thought of leaving him for like the two nights of a weekend so hubby and I can get away! It took a solid 1 year before we did it for the first time and even then we left late on Friday and came back first thing Sunday! Pathetic! We are getting better though. An of course being able to leave him with grandparents who he loves makes it easier.
Jodie Ansted says
September 6, 2011 at 4:32 amMe too! Me too! I don’t like being away from my kids either. But I have done it.
I had to head back to Perth without my big boys, and I felt SO sick about that. Having the 4yr old with me helped, but I worried and worried about it.
When my friend, Jen and I went to Melbourne for the weekend last year, that was my first trip away from all three and I was beside myself with anxiety about it. I have to do this again at the end of the year to head back for a family wedding. I’m flying in the day before the wedding, and flying out the day after.
I love that my boys attend school up the road. I love that I can hear the kids playing at recess and lunch and know they are just there. Next year, when the 9yo heads off to another school, it’s going to be WEIRD. Would rather him with me.
So, I get it. 🙂 xxx
Kerri Sackville says
June 12, 2012 at 7:10 amI always feel anxious before leaving my kids to go overseas (NOT that I’ve done it many times!) but it passes the second I get on the plane!
But my billionty other anxieties make up for the lack of that one.
MiMi Monroe says
October 26, 2012 at 10:57 pmReading your post I felt like I should have written it myself!!
I’m crazy anxious about leaving my baby (who’s actually a toddler, but still my baby) behind, but that’s not even to do with flying, I wouldn’t even consider getting on a plane without her! Its bad enough I have trouble popping to the supermarket without her let alone anything which could be for me or my benefit (and you thought you was crazy!).
I don’t know what I’m supposed to do or how to change how I handle this. There should be a pill or something to knock us sensless for a while allowing us to just act without thinking (I’m sure drinking works, but I don’t even drink)! Any advise would be much appreciated though.
Regards.
Lisa Lintern says
October 30, 2012 at 10:22 amOh MiMi…I feel for you because I know EXACTLY where you are coming from. However, since writing this piece things have changed so much for me. It’s called school. Since Boy-Who-Asks-Questions started school I’ve been forced to let go. And you know what…after a couple of times it feels gooooood. For everyone. For you. For your child. So while I’m yet to do the flying away thing, I’ve definitely learned that a little separation is actually a good thing. It teaches your child independence and it gives you some well deserved and very rare me time. I think you should give it a try. xoxo
Emma smith says
May 24, 2013 at 11:11 amHello my son is 14 months coming on 15 and I am having a massive struggle in myself with leaving him even for an hour with the inlaws! I know he will be happy and they will look after him but I can’t bring myself to do it! I’m with him 24 7 and I really want to be able to have time with myself and my husband but something in me can’t let him go! My husband took him for 1 hour to his great grandmas house and I wanted to cry because I wasn’t with them! It’s getting really bad and I need to snap out of it but i don’t know how! It’s so difficult and it’s affecting me alot!
Thank you for reading and I hope someone can give me a kick up the bum to stop being so stupid! X x
Lisa Lintern says
May 25, 2013 at 5:20 amHello Emma. It took me AGES to have time away from my kids. I think what you are feeling is pretty normal, well, for some of us. Do it slowly. Half an here, half an hour there…and slowly you will learn to trust others. But don’t be hard on yourself. xoxo
Emma smith says
May 25, 2013 at 7:31 amThank you for replying to me, I’m glad I’m not on my own feeling like this! Sometimes others are not so understanding and criticise me for it which makes it even harder! Can I ask how long it took you to leave your children? Xx
Chantelle Pealey says
August 19, 2013 at 2:08 amDon’t know if you’ll be able to write back, but just for my sanity I’m writing this. I dropped my son off at camp this evening. (Yikes). I’m a nervous ball of anxiety ready to freak at the drop of a dime. He’s 10 and other than sleepovers at nana and papas this is his first time away from me for more than a night. 1 week!!! I’m worried that my anxiety is going to scare my other too children (5 and 3). They are in bed and I managed to keep it together to deal with that bit geez I can hardly breathe!!!
Lisa Lintern says
August 19, 2013 at 2:19 amOh Chantelle. While I’m no expert, I can certainly relate to how you must be feeling. Neither of mine have had sleep overs yet (they’re 5 and 6) so if they were heading off to camp for a week I’d be just like you. Dreading the day that arrives. But you know he will be fine. In fact, he’s probably having a ball. There does come a time when we have to untie those apron strings and I’m sure it doesn’t come easy to anyone. But it will become easier over time…it has too. Hope this week passes quickly for you! xoxo
Chantelle Pealey says
August 19, 2013 at 2:26 amThanks so much for the reply. Not easy, but Ill make it through. Haha and I’m positive he’s having a blast already. He is a definite leader and make friends easily. Great kid!! I’m lucky maybe that’s why I miss him so.