Here’s a revelation for you: an insight to the women who is Lisa Lintern.
I don’t like baths.
I know, I know. Having a bath is supposed to be one of the most relaxing and therapeutic things a person can indulge in.
Ah, is that someone else’s pubic hair wafting around my legs? How relaaaaaxing
Nope. Not for me.
Don’t worry. I’m clean. I’m quite clean in fact. I’m a massive fan of steaming hot showers. I love cranking up the hot water, hanging my head, and rocking back and forth in my own steamy trance. This I could do for hours.
So it’s not the act of cleaning myself that bothers me. It’s the actual bathtub that gives me the creeps. I find nothing therapeutic or relaxing about them. In fact, whether they are new or old, or scrubbed cleaned to the point of sparkling, I think bathtubs are skanky. Cesspits for fungal creatures waiting to swim into my various orifices the minute I submerge.
If I do allow my naked (and tightly clenched) butt cheeks to descend into a bath I must have lots of bubbles to block out the view of what might lurk below. And when I sit there, tense, all I can think about are the thousands of other naked bottoms that have sat there before me. That other people’s pubic hairs may be cavorting like syncronised swimmers around my legs.
But the last straw for any bathing experience would have to be the floater. That little dark unexplained speck bobbing amongst my bubbles. I’d rather deal with a Huntsman spider than a bath floater. It’s usually my cue to get the hell out of the bath and into the shower.
So no. For me there is nothing relaxing about taking a bath.
Hello, my name is Lisa and I’m a bathaphobic**.
What weird ‘phobias’ do you have?
*It was the only thing I could come up with for today’s blog post
**A madey-upey term
Mummyfried says
February 2, 2014 at 10:36 amHello, my name is Mummyfried (Elle). I am an olympic size swimming pool phobiac.
Lisa Lintern says
February 3, 2014 at 11:10 amEspecially when you see a bandaid floating around at the bottom…eew
whatsinemmasbrain says
February 2, 2014 at 11:34 pmOh Lisa, this post made actually laugh out loud. Ha! Bath floater.
I hold no judgment for a bath phobia, as I am terrified of clowns, actually I anything with a painted face, clowns, mimes.. Nicki Minaj at the Grammy’s.. They make me want to cry in fright when I see them. If they are so happy? why do they need to paint smiles on? WHY? *Shudders.
Lisa Lintern says
February 3, 2014 at 11:10 amI saw a random clown down at the beach on the weekend. Good job you weren’t there…
Kelly Exeter says
February 3, 2014 at 7:26 amOk that is definitely a weird phobia because baths are AWESOME!
But I see your weird phobia and raise you … balled up aluminium foil. Like easter egg wrappers. The stuff makes my skin crawl and I can’t touch it with my bare hands. I have to pick it up with a tissue and put it in the bin!
Lisa Lintern says
February 3, 2014 at 11:11 amThe thought of touching a ball of aluminium foil doesn’t bother me. But don’t get me to chew on one though…YIKES!
Palu Toddd says
February 3, 2014 at 11:02 amBut your bath in your home is used by only your family. And they’re made of porcelain and have piping hot water disinfecting them when in use. And Japanese share public ones daily and they are some of the most health conscious people on the planet. You are a nut case 🙂
Lisa Lintern says
February 3, 2014 at 11:12 amIt’s taken you a while to work that out Paul… 🙂
Rose B says
July 1, 2014 at 12:53 pmThank you very much for sharing, I feel such a relieve to know that I’m not the only one, I just had a huge fight on my anniversary because I will refuse to use the Japanese Onzen, my husband wouldn’t believe me, in my case is not only baths is ANY surface… I can’t stand the feeling of my naked bottom touching anything except bed sheets!!! I know it sounds irrational but it’s real and terrifying for me.